


I'm Inside Out, You're Underneath

by Impala_Chick



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canon Compliant, Daemon AU - Daemon touching reveals hidden feelings, Daemon Touching, Daemons, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Shared Dreams, Soul Stone (Marvel), Touch Starvation - Stoic character breaks down on being touched, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23959951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impala_Chick/pseuds/Impala_Chick
Summary: Sam can't explain why he keeps running into Barnes in his dreams. He's not even sure if he's dreaming, but at least he's got Redwing to keep him company.Or, the one where Sam and Bucky are trapped in the soul stone together.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 89
Collections: Id Pro Quo 2020





	I'm Inside Out, You're Underneath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lucifuge5](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucifuge5/gifts).



> Thank you so much to thinkatory for the quick and extremely helpful beta! Title from the Twenty One Pilots song _Goner_.

Sam feels strange all over, at first. It’s like his whole body is frozen and he can’t control his limbs. The world fades away and Sam has nothing to hold onto. And then he jolts awake, his eyes wide open. 

He looks around, and he sees tendrils of soft white smoke drifting up around him. He reaches out to touch, but his fingers can’t feel anything. He leans over and sees nothing but endless bright blue light. He realizes that he’s up, way up. 

He’s surrounded by sky and clouds. But the realization itself doesn’t shock him. He just takes in this truth calmly. 

A brown and red falcon rises up in the air to his right. He darts around him and then lands on his outstretched arm, and Sam smiles. 

“Hey, Sam,” a deep, melodic voice says. Sam does a double-take and whirls his head around. But no one else is there. 

“Redwing?” Sam says, tentatively. He doesn’t know why he knows this falcon’s name is Redwing, but it’s already at the tip of his tongue. 

“Yeah, dummy. It’s me. We _know_ each other.” Sam watches the words come out of his beak, and then he has no choice but to accept that he can talk. Sam knows that he likes having the falcon near him, but he doesn’t understand what Redwing is trying to say. 

Suddenly, something yanks him backwards and he tumbles head over feet through the clouds. He can see Redwing swooping down to follow him.

And then everything goes black. 

\---

The next time Sam wakes, Redwing is standing there next to him. They are sitting in the middle of a forest, with trees as tall as skyscrapers. It’s oddly silent. Sam might not have a lot of experience with forests in general—he’s a city boy, after all—but he knows there should be birds singing or squirrels running around or _something_. 

“What do you think, Redwing?” Sam says. The falcon cocks his head in an extremely human gesture.

“I’ve got no fucking idea,” he says. Sam can hear his words as clearly as if he’d spoken them aloud. Sam laughs. He feels a connection with Redwing that he can’t quite put words to. He’s thankful for that, because at least he doesn’t have to face this situation alone.

He pushes himself up from the ground, disappointed to find that he cannot actually feel anything under his palms. He can see the dirt under his hands, but it just feels like he’s pressing against a completely smooth table. There’s no texture. It doesn’t make any sense and he tells Redwing as much.

Redwing just shrugs in response. “That’s how it is here.”

“What does that mean?” Sam asks, but Redwing cocks his head and doesn’t answer. 

Once he’s standing, he notices there aren’t any smells either. He forms the thought that there is something _wrong_ with all of this, but then that thought drifts away before he can hold onto it.

Sam reaches down and finds that he can feel Redwing’s soft and silky smooth feathers, and Redwing preens against his touch. He’s fairly large for a falcon, his head coming up to Sam’s shins when Sam stands.

To his left, Sam senses someone else moving. The hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and Redwing senses his trepidation. Sam ducks behind a tree as Redwing takes flight to go investigate. 

Sam watches as a huge white wolf streaks past, and he gapes at it. The vague shape of a man with no shirt materializes and dodges through the trees, chasing the wolf. At first, the man doesn’t look familiar. But then he gets closer and Sam can see that he’s got long, brown hair and a completely conspicuous metal arm. It would appear that James Buchanan Barnes has found him.

It doesn’t make any sense, but it’s got to be him. All at once, Sam feels hope bloom in his chest. There’s someone he knows here with them; he and Redwing aren’t alone in this vast, silent forest. If they join forces, they might have a shot of figuring out what the hell is going on. 

Barnes is running at full super-soldier speed, and Sam has no hope of catching him. So Sam calls out to him. 

“Barnes!” Sam takes a deep breath and yells his name a second time, as loud as he can. Barnes doesn’t stop.

Redwing floats back to him with a puzzled look on his face. 

“Should I go after them?” 

Sam shakes his head in answer. If Barnes doesn’t want to talk to them, there’s nothing they can do.

“There’s something off about this, don’t you think?” Sam says. But his thoughts slip away as quickly as he forms them. 

And then it’s just blackness again.

\---

The next time Sam wakes, he’s lying on his back on hard concrete. He blinks awake to Redwing sitting on his chest, peering down at him.

“You okay?” Redwing says as he takes flight and hovers over him.

Sam nods and pushes himself up off the ground. As he glances around, he instantly recognizes the place. He’s been here before. There’s miles of smooth asphalt next to a big glass building. The whole area is completely deserted, save for a few commercial aircraft. 

It’s the same airport where the Avengers had fought each other. The airport where Steve and Barnes had made their getaway. The airport where Rhodes had fallen from the sky.

Sam looks down and finds that he’s in his Falcon uniform. When he looks back up, Wanda is floating in front of him. There’s a black cat on the ground near Wanda. Redwing cocks his head at the cat but doesn’t move any closer.

“Sam! I’ve been looking for you!” she says, and tries to throw her arms around his neck. She passes right through him.

Sam reels back, horrified. “What just happened? Am I dead?” 

Redwing hops over to the cat, and they just stare at each other.

“This cat is like me,” Redwing says. Which definitely doesn’t make any sense, but Sam is too busy trying to figure out whether or not he’s dead.

“I just think we… we’re somewhere else. Some other plane,” Wanda says with a frown. “One where our souls have been divided.” She speaks with authority about that part, like she _knows_. She nods down at Redwing, and Sam sucks in a breath.

“So we’ve been chopped up?” Sam asks as he looks over at Redwing, who is still on the ground.

“Maybe that’s not the right word. More like… manifested separately?” Wanda offers. 

“But we still don’t understand the rules here,” the black cat pipes up with a masculine voice.

“Well, for one, we can only touch each other and nothing else.” Wanda gestures towards her cat before bending down to pet his head. 

“This is pretty fuckin’ insane. Like, we’re in a collective dream,” Sam hypothesizes. But that thought is almost more terrifying than being dead, because that means he has to figure out how to wake up. He takes a deep breath, fighting the rising panic that is tightening his chest.

“We don’t know. This must be Thanos’s doing. He’s the last thing I remember,” Wanda says. Her voice sounds dreamlike and distant, like she’s slipping away. When he notices someone running in his peripheral vision, Sam takes his eyes off her only for a moment. But when he turns back to her, Wanda and her cat are gone. 

“What the fuck?” he says to Redwing, frustrated that the only person who seems to have any answers has abandoned him. Redwing’s head snaps around and he spreads his wings.

“There’s someone over there!” Redwing says, and then he’s flying full speed toward the building.

Sam takes off after him, spreading his own wings to keep up.

Once they reach the hangar, Sam recognizes Barnes. His back is to Sam, but he’s using his metal arm to rip off the hangar bay lock. A large white wolf with piercing blue eyes is standing in front of Barnes, staring at Redwing. As Barnes grabs the doors at the seam and pulls one aside, Sam can see the Quinjet waiting in the shadows.

“What’s going on?” Sam yells as he settles on the ground and folds in his wings. 

Barnes pauses to glance over his shoulder. “Sorry I can’t stay and chat, I’ve got to go.”

Once he gets the hangar door all the way open, he bolts inside. 

“Wait!” Sam calls out. 

“Don’t follow,” the wolf says. She has a feminine voice that echoes out over the tarmac, a voice strong enough to make Sam stop in his tracks.

Redwing’s eyes are wide as he stares after the wolf, who disappears into the hangar.

Sam gets his body moving again, hoping to at least ask Barnes where he’s going in such a hurry. 

That is, until everything falls out from under him.

\---

This time when he wakes in a strange place, he’s ready for it. He sits upright with his fists already raised. He hasn’t encountered anything bad yet, but in his limited Avenger experience _weird_ usually progresses into something _dangerous._

He hears Redwing snort and looks down just to glare at him.

“I have no idea what the fuck is happening, Redwing. You expect me to be calm about this?”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just, you look ridiculous,” Redwing teases.

Sam looks down at himself. He’s wearing a white tunic that he doesn’t recognize. He’s sitting on a patch of green grass, and he can hear goats bleating. He turns and sees a bright blue lake, the surface shimmering in the sun.

In front of him is a round wooden hut with a thatched roof. He doesn’t remember ever being here before.

The flap on the front of the hut parts, and Barnes walks out in the sunlight. He’s got his long hair pulled back into a low bun and he’s wearing a long red tunic with a scarf wrapped around his left shoulder. He doesn’t have his metal arm. It’s odd, if only because Sam has never seen him so relaxed before.

“Barnes?” Sam calls. The white wolf walks out of the hut after Barnes, and they both turn to look at him. Barnes’ eyes are wide with surprise and his body tenses up.

“Don’t run away from me this time,” Sam says calmly as he stands up. 

“I don’t really have anywhere to go,” Barnes says after a moment. He shrugs and then continues walking down towards the shore. Sam decides to follow him, not sure what else to do. 

“Do you know where we are?” Sam asks as he approaches. 

Barnes gazes out at the water before he squats down to try and pluck at the grass with one hand. Sam plops down next to him, watching as Bucky’s hand passes right through the blades of grass.

“Welcome to Wakanda,” Bucky says as he holds out his arm in a sweeping gesture. “I actually loved it here.”

“Yeah? I’m glad you got to go, then.” Sam takes in the sights with a more appreciative gaze. He’d only heard good things about Wakanda’s beautiful scenery, but he honestly expected Barnes to be put up in some fancy futuristic city apartment downtown. He would not have guessed Bucky had a hut by a lake all to himself.

“So, do you think we’re dreaming?” Sam asks after a pause. Bucky glances over at him and smiles.

“Does it matter?” he asks, before throwing a blade of grass at Sam. It doesn’t quite make it, and instead floats between them before reaching the ground.

Sam grabs at the grass himself as he considers the question. He can’t feel anything and his hand passes right through. He can imagine how grass used to feel, and it wasn’t a particularly comfortable feeling to have blades of grass rubbing against his ankles, but now he craves some kind of normalcy. He wants to be able to feel _something_.

“We have to figure out how to get out and help our friends. There was Thanos and then… nothing,” Sam finally says. Redwing leaves his side to float over to the edge of the lake, where Bucky’s wolf is dipping her front paws in the water. Sam watches them regard each other.

“I’ve been fighting my whole life, Sam. And I’ll do it again. But being here, with nothing going on - it’s like going on vacation. So I’m going to enjoy it.” Barnes sits all the way down on the ground after that, his eyes on the water.

Sam realizes there’s so much about Barnes that he doesn’t know. Steve is always ready for a fight. The guy can barely sit still most of the time if there’s something that he thinks needs fixing. Sam had assumed that Barnes would be the same. But Barnes seems calm and resigned to his fate in a way that is both infuriating and inviting.

“You’re thinking so loud over there,” Barnes says after a moment, startling Sam from his thoughts. “Hey, look.” 

Sam looks down at the edge of the water. The white wolf is walking out into the water. She says something Sam can’t hear, and then Redwing flies up to hop onto her shoulders. The wolf wades out into the water with Redwing along for the ride.

“I thought - ,” Sam starts to say as he watches Redwing. 

“What?” Barnes asks. 

“It’s just, I didn’t think they could touch each other. We saw Wanda earlier and she told us that we can’t touch anything,” Sam finishes.

Barnes raises an eyebrow and then reaches out to press his fingers against Sam’s forearm. His fingers pass through and Sam doesn’t feel anything.

Barnes shrugs and pulls back his hand. “It was worth a try.” 

“Can you feel the water?” Sam asks, feeling disappointed. He wonders if Barnes’ skin would be cool or warm against his. He wonders how his body would react to his touch. 

Barnes shakes his head. They stay like that for a while, watching the wolf swim around with Redwing on her back. They are chatting and smiling, and Sam feels jealous. He wants to be able to connect with the world around him, to be able to touch things. He wants Barnes to be able to touch him.

He doesn’t know if that’s supposed to mean anything. 

\---

The next time Sam wakes up, he finds himself on a couch. One glance at the photographs and the entertainment unit tells him he’s in his apartment in Washington, D.C. He stands up and walks towards the kitchen, because he thinks he can hear someone talking.

The white wolf appears from the hallway, blocking his path.

“My name is Gail,” she says when she makes eye contact with Sam. 

“Nice to meet you, Gail,” Sam says as he looks down at the wolf. She seems to smile at him then, her eyes kind.

“He likes to be called Bucky best,” she says quietly, so only Sam can hear. “You don’t have to call him Barnes. You’re keeping him at arm’s length for no reason.”

Sam’s mouth drops open as Gail keeps on walking into the kitchen. Now that he thinks about it, Sam has been purposefully trying to maintain some distance between himself and Barnes… Bucky. It’s just that Sam knows it’s not a good idea to trust every person he meets, especially when the person in question is a trained assassin. 

Gail puts her paws up on the counter and glances over at Sam, her eyes twinkling with amusement. Redwing flaps his wings, already seated in a stool next to Gail. He’s smiling at Sam, too, like he knows exactly what Gail said to him. Sam squints his eyes at Redwing, trying to convey that they are so going to have _words_ later.

Bucky is seated at a stool too, looking forlornly at the stove. His metal arm is mostly hidden under a long sleeved dark green henley. He’s wearing a pair of gray sweatpants too, and he looks so… normal. 

“Are you hungry?” Sam asks, curious.

His smile is bright and beautiful when he turns towards Sam. “I don’t feel hungry. But I want to eat, if that makes sense?”

Sunlight is streaming in through the window and bathing Bucky in a warm glow. It makes the whole scene feel like a lazy Sunday morning. Even though Bucky has never been to his place, Sam knows that if they were back on Earth, this is where they would sit if they were sharing breakfast.

“Yeah, I get it,” Sam says. “Did you try touching anything?”

“I can’t even open the fridge,” Bucky says with a shake of his head. Sam reaches down to try and touch the stool he’s sitting on, but he can’t feel the plush cloth cushion. It’s like he’s sitting on nothing.

“This your place?” Bucky asks. 

Sam nods.

“It’s nice.” Bucky sounds wistful when he says it. It occurs to Sam that Bucky has probably not had a place he could call his own in a very long time.

“If we ever get out of here, you should come over and check it out for real,” Sam says. 

Bucky’s face lights up with the biggest grin, and Sam grins back. Redwing totally interrupts the moment by whistling provocatively. 

“Hey,” Sam warns as he glares at Redwing. But Bucky just throws his head back and laughs. 

“Laugh it up. At least your animal companion isn’t trying to embarrass you.” Sam isn’t feeling all that salty, though. It’s comforting to stand in the kitchen of his own place with Bucky next to him. 

He reaches out to touch Bucky’s shoulder, but his hand passes through him. He sighs in frustration. 

“Weird, right?” Bucky says as he notices Sam move his hand.

“Just when I think I could get used to this place, I am reminded why I hate it here,” Sam explains.

“Because you can’t touch me?” Bucky ventures, his voice teasing.

Sam scoffs. “Don’t make it weird.”

Except Bucky is totally not wrong. Just a casual touch on the shoulder shouldn’t be so out of reach, and Sam hates not being able to do even that.

Gail puts all four of her paws down on the ground, and Redwing hops down from his stool to settle on Gail’s back. As they walk towards the living room, Sam watches them, hating the way jealousy winds its way through him. But he supposes that Redwing is a part of him, or an extension of him. If he can’t do what he wants, at least Redwing can.

\---

Sam and Bucky end up sitting at the island and talking in the kitchen for a while. Sam doesn’t know if time has any meaning in their dream world, but he’s just glad the darkness hasn’t engulfed him yet. 

Instead of darkness, they are interrupted by Wanda and a man wearing a red swirling cape. It kind of reminds Sam of Thor’s old outfit. 

Sam startles, but Bucky remains stock still next to him. 

“We have to go,” Wanda says solemnly as she looks between Sam and Bucky. “Thanos is back and they need us.”

Sam looks over at Bucky, who is staring at him grimly. Redwing and Gail rush into the kitchen to investigate the commotion. 

“It’s time,” Bucky says with a nod at Sam.

“They can’t come with us,” Wanda says as she gestures at Redwing, who is staring at Sam with eyes wide and panicked.

“What?” Sam says as he stands up. “I can’t leave without him.” 

Redwing stretches out his wings and does a full body shake, as if preparing himself for what he’s about to say. “We are made of the same stuff, remember? I’ll be with you always,” Redwing says solemnly. 

Sam glances frantically over at Bucky, who’s bent down on one knee in front of Gail. He’s scratching her head, his voice too low for Sam to hear. 

“Fuck,” Sam says with feeling. 

“It will be okay, Sam. They need us out there, in your world.” Redwing smiles at him and shuffles forward to wrap his wings around Sam’s leg.

Sam bites back sudden, unexpected tears but he doesn’t feel embarrassed. He’s been waiting this whole time to go home, but of course there would have to be a price. He glances over at Bucky, who is standing up again. 

“This was all a dream anyway, right?” Bucky says softly to Sam.

Sam sighs. Maybe it has been a dream, but all of it felt so real. He looks down at Redwing one last time, trying to memorize the way he looks. 

“Okay, let’s do this.”

Sam doesn’t know if it would be better to remember everything or remember nothing from the dream world. But as he looks over at Bucky, his hair lightly tousled and his henley slightly unbuttoned, he realizes he really doesn’t want to go back to calling him Barnes. He likes the connection they’ve made, and he doesn’t want to lose that.

The man moves his arms in a circle, and then orange sparks erupt from his hands. A buzzing orange circle of light widens until Sam can see light through it, and Bucky steps in without hesitation. Sam follows after him, teeth gritted. He hangs onto his memories as hard as he can.

\---

Sam sees Steve first. He’s thankful for that, because Steve’s presence grounds him. Redwing isn’t next to him anymore, but he still _remembers._ That has to count for something.

“On your left.” Sam can’t resist the old, familiar joke. 

After that, Sam focuses on the crazy amount of aliens coming at them. He doesn’t even see Thanos because he has to keep his eyes on the flyers trying to come down hard on his friends. He wishes desperately for Redwing, but he’s comforted when he makes eye contact with Bucky. There’s _recognition_ there, and Sam has to believe that Bucky remembers.

Sam nearly weeps with joy when his fist connects with something solid. The strength of the alien’s armor makes his bones rattle and his fist ache. But he can _feel_ it. Then the alien retaliates and hits him just below his ribs, and Sam doubles over in pain. But he’s laughing, too. Sure, he wouldn’t have chosen a punch to the gut to be the first thing he feels after coming back, but it’s glorious after so long not feeling anything.

He hears Bucky yell somewhere below him, and he can picture Bucky’s surprised face. He smiles, glad they are in this together. After that, it’s a flurry of fists and mid-air twists and intense focus. Sam can tell it’s the fight of their lives. He can’t afford to mess this up.

\---

After the battle comes to a sudden and grinding halt, Sam finds Bucky on his knees staring at his hands. His armor is streaked with alien guts and his face is covered in dirt. Sam drops down gently in front of him, worried.

The clarity of the fight is giving way to the chaotic anxiety of his whirring mind as Sam tries not to think about all of the destruction stretched out before them. Sam focuses on the peace of the dream place to calm himself. He closes his eyes and imagines the Wakandan beach. He remembers Bucky sitting in his apartment. He thinks about how content Redwing looked when he was talking to Gail.

And then Sam reaches out and touches Bucky for the first time since they’ve been back. 

He wraps his arms around Bucky’s shoulders and pulls him close. Bucky feels strong and solid against him, and Sam feels his hands shaking from the relief upon being able to feel him. Bucky sighs into the hug, his arms coming up to wrap around Sam. Bucky presses his forehead into Sam’s shoulder, and Sam can feel that too. Sam feels a laugh bubbling up from this throat, and he leans away to press his lips against Bucky’s forehead.

The dirt on Bucky’s face scrapes against Sam’s lips, but Bucky’s skin feels warm and alive. Sam is nearly overwhelmed by the joy he feels from the skin to skin contact. It had been so long, and Sam missed that type of intimacy.

But it’s not just that, it’s Bucky himself. Sam feels connected to him now, in some sort of fundamental way. Sam realizes that it’s impossible for him to imagine a future without Bucky in it. 

Bucky starts to tremble against him, and Sam can hear him crying. Sam only pulls him tighter, and Bucky curls his fingers around Sam’s bicep. Sam whispers “It’s okay,” into Bucky’s hair, and means it, too. Sam can’t help but feel he’s lucky, after everything, to get to hold Bucky like this.

They stay together, in the middle of the destruction, until the sobs stop racking Bucky’s body.


End file.
